Recently I went to a high school choral performance with a friend whose daughter was in the show. At one point the girls performed a number decked out in shiny red sequined dresses. The dresses were not trashy, but - though they were a proper length reaching the knees, and the neck line was a simple curve which did not cut low, and the dresses were nowhere near tight - they were sleeveless. As such my friend's daughter wore a matching red t-shirt beneath her dress so she could present herself in full modesty without having to modify the dress - an option not available to her.
She may not have been the only girl on the stage who might have had a problem with the dress, but she was the only one who had done something about it. As a result of her modest (no pun intended) modification in order to be modest, this young woman was mocked by her classmates. Her experience along with another friend's recent blog has caused me to reflect on the challenges women face to be modest.
I have always felt that the conversation regarding modest dress leans much more on women, but I recall as a teen having a conversation with my mom about my own non-athletic use of tank-tops and shirts with torn off sleeves (A phase from which I'm glad I quickly out-grew). And today it seems many men's fashions are becoming more frequently immodest [IE: deep cut v-necks (gross)].
So, as I reflect on the challenges those who choose to dress modestly face, I wonder in what ways I am complicit in causing others, and particularly women, to feel inferior, and, hence, feel a need to dress immodestly? Do I add to the pressures already caused by our society and its culture, or do I, in any small portion, assist to alleviate such pressures?
Much of the motivation for immodest dress, in my opinion, appears to be a misguided search for individuality, but it seems to me, all the people who seek uniqueness through immodest dress actually cause those who dress modestly to be unique. Most certainly my friend's daughter was unique on the night of her performance.
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4 comments:
I think men in general have everything to do with immodesty. Men may say they want to marry a woman who is beautiful, but modest about it. They want good women for the long-term. But they love to look at "hot" women -- that is, women who show skin and look good doing it. Almost every man will notice a scantily-clad woman and like it -- if she looks good. Later he will say, "But I don't want my girlfriend to walk around like that.
It's this double-standard that causes women to dress immodestly. How are we ever supposed to catch a man's attention, if he keeps looking at the "hot" women? And so, the obvious answer is to dress immodestly, which perpetuates this ridiculous cycle of double standards.
If only women understood that showing off a beautiful modest body is so much better. But I know why that is a difficult concept to grasp. Men want "hot," and brainy women, but the fact of the matter is, is that unless she's got the "hot" part, brainy women are just not the first ones noticed.
As such, I think a modest revolution is two-fold. First, women need to quit undermining the modest efforts of other women by also dressing modestly. Second, but perhaps more important, men need to put their money where their mouths are. They need to give more attention to modest women. This may be something as simple as telling your sisters or girlfriends that they look nice when they're dressed appropriately. It might mean telling a girlfriend to put something else on when she's showing too much. It means throwing away pornographic magazines and movies and starting to truly admire modest dress.
Aghhh . . . I wish my ideas would catch on, but I'm afraid they are only getting worse . . . :/
Well said Sara. As I begged the question of my own behavior I had thoughts along the same line as your comments.
:) Thanks! I guess I wrote a lot more than I expected I would, but this is a topic near and dear to me . . .
Interesting. I've never had someone react negatively to me because of my dress standards... that wasn't a member. I've only had others be respectfully curious.
I totally agree with Sara. I also think that women undermine each other by not giving as much notice to other women that dress modestly though. By doing so it perpetuates the feeling of modest dress being "uncool." I actually think that not wanting to stand out is more common than searching for individuality (whatever they may say) because if you're not 100% committed to that lifestyle (all aspects of the gospel), the last thing you want is to stick out like a sore thumb.
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